Hit or Miss

Special Wave

My mom and her friends just called because one of their daughters is going to be in her school’s homecoming court. They were trying to teach her — but couldn’t remember — the “beauty queen wave” I had taught them last summer when they visited New York (for the record, it’s “elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, wrist, pearls, sash, special wave”).

I wonder if my mom ever thought I was straight.

7 responses so far (Respond)

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“Elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, wrist” is also appropriate when riding on a float in a parade.

Mush | 13 Oct 2005
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My mother told me once she knew I was gay at the hospital when I was born. She said I just seemed “that way.”

Andy | 13 Oct 2005
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Wait. I’m so confused. I’m trying to do the wave and I look like a epileptic monkey. Waving my pearls and sash just creates a rather rumpled look. You must demonstrate next time I see you.

My “special wave,” however, is excellent.

Luke | 13 Oct 2005
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I should have gone into more detail. “Pearls” is when you touch your hand to your throat to lovingly caress your pearls and then “Sash” is when you highlight what is written on it with a wave of the hand like Vanna White. And “Special Wave” is, of course, the secret wave you send out to your boyfriend, the Quarterback.

Matt Kingston | 13 Oct 2005
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Matt, I have a similar problem with my mother. She “knows” I’m gay.

Sadly, though, I’m totally straight. I think she always wanted a gay son…

Bob | 19 Oct 2005
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Matt, none of us ever thought any different. By the way, Shira says hey.

Peanut | 26 Oct 2005
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I should have gone into more detail. “Pearls” is when you touch your hand to your throat to lovingly caress your pearls and then “Sash” is when you highlight what is written on it with a wave of the hand like Vanna White. And “Special Wave” is, of course, the secret wave you send out to your boyfriend, the Quarterback.

Matt Kingston | 4 Nov 2009