What did I do for New Year’s Eve? I secreted myself up into my brother’s room (who was conveniently out for the night) so that I could watch the QAF marathon on Showtime – ready the whole time with one finger on the remote to change the channel in case I should hear my mother on the stairs, coming to check on what I was doing (yes, I know I’m pathetic).

I was prepared to hate it. As I’ve written before, I’m often very critical of the “gay culture” and don’t feel like I fit in. I was prepared to write off the show as too narrowly focused on the buff, beautiful, bar-going segment of the gay (male) community.

Funny thing is, I loved the show. I saw much more of myself in the characters of Ted and Michael than I expected to. And I saw many facets of the gay men I’ve know in all the characters. Even if it didn’t 100% reflect my existance (how could it? Downtown Pittsburg is like a foreign country compared to rural Missouri), it felt closer than just about any other depiction of gay life I’ve even seen on the big or small screen.

I especially identified with Ted, the ordinary shlub who
had retreated from pursuing real realtionships because of feelings of inadequacy and turned to the internet. That’s a pattern I noticed in myself before I even moved to my current rurual town. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I agreed to take this job and move here? I’ve often uncomfable around other gay men, terrified about what I say or do least I embarass myself. Now I don’t have to worry about it, becaus e I don’t have have any gay friends in Kirksville.

Anway, I’m glad my mom didn’t catch my watching the show. That would have been a little embarrasing and not at all the way I’d want my homosexuality to be acknowledged. I should have come out to my parents a long time ago (if I can be out on a job interview, why can’t I be to my folks?), but part of me just keeps waiting for my Mom to force the issue, the way that Justin’s mother did.

I just don’t think I’d want my mother to watch the show, lest she get wrong impressions about what my life is like. But I guess I’d rather her watch QAF than most of the other sterotypical gay roles on TV and in film — my mom and I caught Sandra Bullock’s Miss Congeniality the other day, which had (of course) depictions of fey male pagent consultants and militant lesbians.