Hit or Miss

Getting Lucky

I had my first anonymous casual hookup Saturday night. I met a nice guy at a party and took him home.

Part of me is glad that I’m over the awkwardness of doing it for the first time. This guy couldn’t have been any more obvious, but it was up to me to catch the signals and make the offer. And given my usual (low) confidence level in social situations, I’m proud of myself for taking a risk.

But least anyone think I’m on the verge of turning into a slut, the thing that made the entire experience worthwhile was that he was such a nice guy — we had a great talk about politics and showtunes that continued through the next morning after he showered and until I saw him off. And, since I met him at a party thrown by a mutual friend, I’m sure the host would have warned me if the guy had been a total creep.

I know I’m not likely to have the same luck picking up a guy in a bar, so I’ll stick to mutual acquaintances from now on.

20 responses so far (Respond)

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One of the more interesting posts I’ve read on a blog in a really long time.

Not to sound judgmental, but I guess in my own experience, I’m frequently worried about risk *avoidance*. Interesting that you called it a risk.

And just from personal experience, the host doesn’t always warn you. Sometimes the host thinks it’s none of their business, the host doesn’t know the guy’s sexual creepiness, or the host is just too damn drunk. :>

Graham | 3 Nov 2003
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Oh, rock on Matt! Yay for having fun, and yay for conversations the morning after.

(Personally, I think the bigger risk wasn’t going home with the guy; it was blogging it afterward.)

Bill | 3 Nov 2003
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Hey Matt
This is the first time I have been “blogged”. Still not sure how I feel about that though I am flattered by your “review” of the encounter. I personally didn’t consider our meeting anonymous as we met through friends, exchanged names, talked at length at the party, chatted again the next morning and then traded contact information. Would you be interested in a date? Blog and answer and I’ll give you a call.
Sincerely,
The Anonymous Hookup

Graham: I did ask the host (who was not too damn drunk and the well being of his friends is his business) about Matt’s “sexual creepiness” as you called it and he assured me first hand that Matt is a wonderful guy who is worth pursuing.

the Anonymous Hookup | 4 Nov 2003
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well done matt! seek this phase to it’s conclusion and only happiness awaits at the end. (and really, do you actually want the guys you meet at bars? I mean, you do at the time, but a week later it’s not even worth remembering)

jon | 4 Nov 2003
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Er… Jon, I think you might be painting ‘bar people’ with too broad a brush. I’ve had more than a few very nice long-term relationships with men I’ve met in bars, including my current (8-month and counting) boyfriend. It’s all about the quality of the man, not the location or circumstances.

Rob | 4 Nov 2003
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Ohmygosh… o-h-m-y-l-o-r-d… Matt, I am not scandalized by the shady hook-up (in fact, hats off for that!!!), I am stunned that you blogged about it… and gave your “anynomous hookup” your web address!!! *Fantastic* that you feel so self-confident!!! I agree with Graham- damn interesting! Keep us informed and keep up these really raw, honest posts: refreshing! 🙂

Bertie | 4 Nov 2003
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Good on ya Matt; and you too Mr Anonymous. Look after each other.

Morrie | 4 Nov 2003
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Rob: I was exaggerating for the sake of a joke. I’ve met lots of nice people in bars, and met my current bf (almost 5 years now) on gay.com, so who knows? I was just trying to make matt smile. 😉

jon | 4 Nov 2003
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I agree with Anonymous Hookup’s response. Not really what I would call an anonymous hookup either considering all that stuff beforehand. If you had said you met someone at The Cock’s backroom on Sunday night and exchanged fluids without a word spoken…that I would chalk up to anonymous encounter and possibly a tad slutty. 🙂

diego | 5 Nov 2003
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When I originally wrote this post, I had labeled it a (semi-)anonymous hookup. Basically, what I meant was I don’t ever hookup with people so soon after meeting them — usually I hang out with them a couple times beforehand — so this was the closest to anonymous sex that I’ve ever had. I guess it could be more accurately described as a one-night-stand.

As to whether I’ll ever write a post like this again… it ended up making things weird between me and the guy I’ve gone on a couple of dates with lately. But we talked about it yesterday and we’re still going to go out again, so maybe this incident will help add some trajectory to that dating.

Matt | 5 Nov 2003
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So I guess being blogged about isn’t a good thing. If I had known you were seeing someone I would not have flirted with you let alone go home and sleep with you. At the party you said I seemed like a catch. That signaled to me that you were datable. Though I did not feel like it was an anonymous hookup before, I do now.
Thank you

the Anonymous Hookup | 5 Nov 2003
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Ouch. I guess I’m not going to be able to say anything right to dig myself out of this hole.

Matt | 5 Nov 2003
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I’ve adjusted the entry to read “casual” hookup not “anonymous.” After talking it over with a friend, I’ve realized that’s a better descriptor. And I’m still trying to make up with the guy.

Matt | 5 Nov 2003
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That you care enough to make the effort is a testament to your character, Matt.

Silus Grok | 5 Nov 2003
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It’s a tough situation and sometimes a no-win one. I know my site is pretty easy to find on the net due to my lack of imagination with the domain name. So, sometimes, I get feedback from someone I know to not write about them. Writing about one’s personal life publicly can be good and not so good…hope things work themselves out in this case.

DIEGO | 6 Nov 2003
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“… maybe this incident will help add some trajectory to that dating …”

Hope so!!! Got my fingers crossed!

Christopher | 6 Nov 2003
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Sweetie, I don’t know why there has been such an outcry regarding this post. Everyone’s had one or fifty, you’ve just got the balls to share your hopefully great conquest with the world. Bravo!

Miu | 7 Nov 2003
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My only quesitons is why I skipped this party?
Sheesh!
I can solve everyone’s problems right here.
I’m single, cute, horribly funny and I have no problem with hooking up after a first meeting.
So any disenfranchised parties (or ones not even involved in the first place) can call me.
Does looking for a date on a Blog board make me desperate?

Lance | 10 Nov 2003
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This is better than an Episode of Coronation Street.

damien | 13 Nov 2003
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Caught !
Hehe. I read Hit or Miss daily and I like the mix of content on it. This post about the posters personal life got very interesting with the person he met up with replying . Least he didn’t say the…

Mulley – Damiens Mulleys blog | 13 Nov 2003