Drinking profiles by astrological sign. Mine is fairly accurate.

“Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure — but it could also lead to drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked — but, oh, when they do! Virgo’s controlled by the intellect, but there’s an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It’s dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, “I’m going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence tonight.” A toast to the subgenius IQ!”