Hit or Miss

Alone in a crowd

Fortunately Mike talked me out of going to the Light Cycle last night in Central Park — sounds like it was kind of a washout.

We went for tea instead at Tea and Sympathy and then for a beer at the Art Bar. I feel really comfortable hanging out with Mike, but I know I’m wearing out my welcome as a new friend.

Pretty much ever other social situation I’ve been in since moving to NY has made me feel extremely awkward. For example, I felt really out of place at the MovableType gathering last weekend (which no one seems to have blogged about afterward). I was totally intimidated meeting Anil and Cam, and when I was introduced to Jason Kottke I mumbled something about being his subway stalker and received a wan little Kottke-smirk. I think Anil’s girlfriend felt sorry for me because she talked to me for a while. After striking up a conversation with Matt, Cam wandered over and launched into a bizarre description of JonTitor.com (which I hadn’t seen). Not feeling like I had anything to add, I just walked out without talking to anyone.

There’s a certain anxiety I feel when meeting new people, unless it’s a very controlled situation (like the single’s group meeting I went to, which was also a bust). I’ve never wanted to give it much credence, but I’m really starting to wonder if I suffer from Social Anxiety Disorder. It’d be one thing if it just affected my personal life, but I find that it’s been a factor on the job as well.

Against my better judgment, I think I’m going to check out the Gothamist / 601am Happy Hour on Thursday.

8 responses so far (Respond)

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Come to the Happy Hour! We have Social Anxiety Disorder also, but tend to it by chattering away nervously!

Jen | 16 Sep 2003
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Intimidating? Me? I haven’t bitten anyone in over 22 years, I’m proud to say. And even my sister forgave me for that. I think getting to know people is just a skill, and like any skill, you have to practice doing it. I don’t think anybody talks to people out of charity, people talk to you out of interest. The thing you have to keep in mind is that other people might not be effusive because they’re *just as shy as you*.

Making new friends is like living in a new city… you have to give it some time working on faith in order for it to succeed. It really is true what they say about negative thinking… it affects how people react to you.

I was glad to finally meet you, and I can’t make it to the Gothamist party, but I hope you give people the chance to get to know you.

Anil | 16 Sep 2003
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I’m the same way at parties… usually takes me a while to settle in and force myself to talk to people. At tomorrow’s happy hour we can be wall flowers together. (And sorry 20something was a bust… it’s, err, hit or miss… but sometimes can be a great fun. I went a while ago and made a bunch of friends who I’m still close to.)

Aaron | 17 Sep 2003
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Just imagine Anil dressed in one of Prince’s purple lowcut front and buttless jumpsuits and you’ll never find him intimidating again. Of course, you may never eat again either… but that’s a whole ‘nother problem.

I can’t make it to the Gothamist party, but if you want company for the Morning News party on Saturday we can head on out to hipsterville Williamsburg together!

lia | 18 Sep 2003
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Hey, at least one guy (self-link) blogged the meetup. (albeit hastily and without the still-promised pictures…)

Vidiot | 18 Sep 2003
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Mate, you’re not alone with those feelings. I tend to not socialise too much because I worry what I’m going to say, whether I’ll have anything in common with the people etc. I have to force myself to go to doos like that but usually end up having a good time despite my worst intentions. You would have had heaps to offer and you would have been great. Hope the weekend’s not too wet.

Morrie | 19 Sep 2003
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I just get drunk, then it’s no big deal. Especially if there’s an open bar.

Anonymous | 19 Sep 2003
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The Movable Type Gathering
I was just reading Matt’s account of this weekend’s Movable Type gathering and I realized I actually had some worthwhile thoughts on the event. Matt complained that a number of attendees (specifically Anil and Cam) were a bit intimidating. It’s…

Capn Design | 17 Sep 2003