Hit or Miss

“I quit”

I morosely trudged into my boss’s office yesterday and told him that I was miserable and that I didn’t feel like I was a good match for the job and that I wanted to give him advance notice before quitting so he could find a replacement for me.

Afterward, I came to my senses and realized that what I had really needed to do was vent and so today I unquit.

There’s a million reasons why I got to that point, but the one I’d like to share here is this:

I hadn’t fully committed to living here in the city yet.

For the past 8 weeks (has it really been that long?), I’ve been walking around like I was at summer camp. I haven’t changed my cell phone to a local number. I haven’t emailed my friends with my new contact info. I’ve bought only the barest minimum of food for my refrigerator. I haven’t reached out to any of the cool local bloggers who have emailed me recently.

I guess part of me didn’t want to be tied down in case things got so hectic that I wanted to bail. And that of course was exactly the wrong attitude to take.

My job is not going to stop being crazy. But if want to survive, I need to learn to pace myself and take time for myself and become a New Yorker instead of a tourist.

5 responses so far (Respond)

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Sounds like you’re just working through the process of coming to grips with your new place, your new identity. Jump in, man, you haven’t even lived this place enough to know how you feel about it. If you’re afraid you’re making a mistake, then at least *make* the damn mistake, so you’ll know if you did or not. But I think you’re probably on the right track.

Anil | 30 Aug 2003
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What the brown guy said. Hang in there, Matt. If you can make it there, you can…well, you know.

TheBrad | 30 Aug 2003
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Hang in there (insert mental picture a kitten hanging from a tree branch).

In a strange coincidence, my new downstairs neighbor’s older brother is an RA at NYU – you probably know him.

New York is an amazing place. The longer you live here the more you’ll realize that you probably will never want to leave.

Cam | 30 Aug 2003
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Matt,
You can do it. I believe in you. Besides, would you really rather be back in the midwest with us yokels?
By the way, I linked to your blog from my own newly-conceived blog. It’s your fault — you started it!

Bob | 31 Aug 2003
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It will happen. One day you’ll walk past a corner, a particular store, some random place, and you’ll say, “Hey — I’ve been here before. That was the time that I [insert event here].” Or you’ll be walking down a street and you’ll say, “Hey, that old deli is gone. They’ve turned it into a porn shop.”

Then you’ll know you’re a New Yorker.

In the meantime, I’m sure it’s already happening. Maybe you just haven’t realized it yet.

Tin Man | 31 Aug 2003