Hit or Miss

Church v. Google

Church v. Google. “How the Church of Scientology is forcing Google to censor its critics.” An informative write-up about the recent removal and reinstatement from Google’s search engine of xenu.net, a website critical of the Church of Scientology.

I’ve read a number of articles about Scientology over the past couple of years and the more I read the more I wonder how anyone could ever buy into it.

Once upon a time (75 million years ago to be more precise) there was an alien galactic ruler named Xenu. Xenu was in charge of all the planets in this part of the galaxy including our own planet Earth, except in those days it was called Teegeeack. Now Xenu had a problem. All of the 76 planets he controlled were overpopulated. Each planet had on average 178 billion people. He wanted to get rid of all the overpopulation so he had a plan. Xenu took over complete control with the help of renegades to defeat the good people and the Loyal Officers. Then with the help of psychiatrists he called in billions of people for income tax inspections where they were instead given injections of alcohol and glycol mixed to paralyse them. Then they were put into space planes that looked exactly like DC8s (except they had rocket motors instead of propellers). These DC8 space planes then flew to planet Earth where the paralysed people were stacked around the bases of volcanoes in their hundreds of billions. When they had finished stacking them around then H-bombs were lowered into the volcanoes. Xenu then detonated all the H-bombs at the same time and everyone was killed. The story doesn’t end there though. Since everyone has a soul (called a “thetan” in this story) then you have to trick souls into not coming back again. So while the hundreds of billions of souls were being blown around by the nuclear winds he had special electronic traps that caught all the souls in electronic beams (the electronic beams were sticky like fly-paper). After he had captured all these souls he had them packed into boxes and taken to a few huge cinemas. There all the souls had to spend days watching special 3D motion pictures that told them what life should be like and many confusing things. In this film they were shown false pictures and told they were God, The Devil and Christ. In the story this process is called “implanting”. When the films ended and the souls left the cinema these souls started to stick together because since they had all seen the same film they thought they were the same people. They clustered in groups of a few thousand. Now because there were only a few living bodies left they stayed as clusters and inhabited these bodies. As for Xenu, the Loyal Officers finally overthrew him and they locked him away in a mountain on one of the planets. He is kept in by a force-field powered by an eternal battery and Xenu is still alive today. xenu.net.

I know the Bible is kind of hard to believe sometimes, but this is ridiculous.

2 responses so far (Respond)


I grew up in Clearwater, FL the “spiritual home of Scientology”, and I now live about 15 minutes away. Downtown Clearwater is amazing – great hordes of Scientologists fill the streets, all dressed in snazzy pseudo-naval uniforms. There are often celeb followers here, and Lisa Marie Presley recently sold her waterfront home in Clearwater to fellow follower Kristie Allie. I’ve really missed the appeal of the religion, but it is a MAJOR issue in the city government here. The oddest thing – their central building, the Fort Harrison Hotel is the very site where the Stones wrote “Satisfaction”. How weird is that?

Sherrie | 23 Mar 2002

from a social perspective, they’re an interesting organization. it functions as both a corporation and a church. the non-profit ‘church’ arm of the organization takes full advantage of the traditionally non-profit protected status that all religions are allowed. the second arm is a corporation that licenses the ‘technology’ and ‘intellectual property’ to the church of scientology. quite a racket, really. no wonder several nations in europe are in the process of investingating or banning the group.

wade | 24 Mar 2002