Hit or Miss

Why Matt hasn’t been writing in his weblog: A three-part mini-opera.

Part I: work, work, work. This is one of the busiest times of the year for my job, leaving me little time for watching TV or playing GameCube, let alone surfing the web and writing in my weblog.

Part II: My campus IT department told me about 2 weeks ago that I couldn’t host any of my domains (1, 2, & 3) on my server through the campus network anymore. They were under the eroneous impression that they must be commercial sites since they didn’t have .edu addresses. I’ve been waiting ever since to hear back from my appeal. But fortunately, I was told in passing today that they didn’t care anymore. Phew!

Part III: I’ve been pretty depressed for about a month now. Dealing with my job, my friends, and my life has left me pretty burned out. I hate the weather. I’m lonely and don’t have any dating prospects. I’m shocked at how much weight I gained in such a short time. And, silly as it may sound, I’m feeling a lot of post-tramatic stress from 9-11.

This has been a really tough year for us in the education field. I’ve tried to be strong for my residents and staff as we’ve dealt with bad grades, budget cuts, and a series of campus deaths (nothing really out of the norm for a typical academic year), but life just seems somehow more bleak after the events last September. Dealing with all this compounding sadness had continued to eat away at me, until I hardly felt able to face the days anymore.

But I didn’t feel like I could talk to anyone about it — like admitting I was hurting would be letting everyone I know down. I didn’t want people to think I was weak.

Then, last week, I finally told all this to my boss and broke down crying during our 1-on-1. Sometimes you just need to have a good cry, you know? And I was overdue.

And now I feel like I can kind of see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Epilogue: What does this all mean? Hopefully that I’ll be writing more in my weblog again.

3 responses so far (Respond)

Gravatar

Well thank heavens, because really, the most important thing is that you’re going to be writing more here.

Seriously, Matt, take care of yourself and holler if you need an ear. There’s folks in Missouri what care about you, ya big lug!

TheBrad | 8 Mar 2002
Gravatar

God speed, Matt… take care of yourself, eh!

vis10n | 8 Mar 2002
Gravatar

Yeah, taking care of yourself should be your #1 priority. If you’re not in a good place, you’re not in a place to help anyone else.

And second TheBrad. You need a vacation. ROAD TRIP. 🙂

Jason | 12 Mar 2002