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Hit or Miss


heromachine.com. Forget the StorToopers, this is much cooler.

Since USA TODAY doesn’t archive their newbits, here’s an excerpt from the site mention today…

But when he created an online “HeroMachine” that generates made-to-order characters, complete with customized costumes and fighting gear, there’s one accessory he didn’t count on users asking for: more cleavage.

“Exaggeration is part of the genre, but it’s always bugged me,” says Hebert, 31, of Georgetown, Texas. “You’re supposed to be this athletic figure; how would you do all that if you had these breasts flopping around in the wind?”

So, like a true superhero, Hebert, a former tech support guy for the likes of Dell and 3M, just said no. “I’m not going to have ‘Superboobs’ here. It’s just a personal point of honor.”

All day I’ve been intriqued by the idea of a superhero with “Super Boobs.” What would she use them for? Would she shoot laser beams from them and destroy asteroids hurtling towards Earth? Would she use them to knock over run-away bank thieves?

No. I think she would use them to feed the impoverished children of Third World countries. What I haven’t decided yet is if she would do that with 2 large breasts, or a multitude of smaller breasts (kind of like the alien from Total Recall). Or would she just hook herself up to a breast pump to harvest her powerfully nutritious mother nectar?

And was she born with these breasts? Did they have magical powers from birth or did those abilities develop when she hit puberty? Were her breasts bitten one day by a radioactive cow? Or is she like Batman, who has no super powers of his own and relies upon special gadgets. Does she wear a customized Water Bra, outfitted to provide perfectly-heated baby formula?

Oh, yeah. If I were a superhero, I would be The Flamer.

1 response so far (Respond)


This kicks ass. Now if one could only use it to make a date for Saturday night.

Jason | 1 Feb 2001